Dream.....Do...Act...... and Achieve!

With God on my side I have nothing to loose, only things to gain.

maandag 24 november 2008

Its been a while

Almost a month back in the netherlands, after another trip to San DIego California! It was amazing, met old and new friends and now Im working on the idea and plan of a art/music festival there with some other people.
Ive surfed my bud off in the pacific ocean and enyoind the sun, nature and all the times we went out on litle roadtrips, sleepovers, and movies! Thanks you to all my friends there!

I wonder sometimes why time goes so incredible fast and how I can stop it from going on for a day or two... Just to chill and think things over. Our lives seemed to be lived faster and faster, and sometimes we dont have time for the things that should be so importend to us. Life.

From the day that I got back to Holland till today I feel like time is ticking to fast. A few things in these last weeks have happend that made me think more and more about life, the time I have here on this planet, God, meening of life, my timing, Gods timing and what not.
For exemple three weeks ago, I was working and getting the kids ready for school (not mine, the ones that I work with; the handicapt kids) and my phone rang at 7 in the morning. Not a normal time to recieve a phonecall. I picked up and my dad told in a few words and a sad voice that his brother,my uncle had past away the night before.
He was only 47, and leaves his wife (my aunt) and his three boys behind. Because I was still working and that needed my focus I hung up the phone with the words; What? Ill call you back when Im done in a few hours". After work I sayd down and cried for about an hour.
All I could think of is why...
My family is a very close family, my dad is one of the 9 children, and now one of them past away very sudden. I called my grandma, she cried unstoppable on the phone.
There we're several phonecalls that day with my mom, dad and sisters, and other family members.
It hurts realizing that during those confersation, I couldnt comfort anyone. The pain and the lost is not explainble and the tears are there, but the words are not.

The funural was intence and long with about 300 people.

I still cant believe that he is gone for good. My uncle was one of a kind, and I know he is missed every day.

This last week I have been fighting Gods love. You know how that feels? If you know the storie of Jacob fighting God for real with his hands.....I kind a feld like Him. My life is far from perfect, I make mistakes all the time, not mistakes like eating out of my roomates cookiejar (eventhough I sometimes do that too...) but mistakes as in not realising what my words can do to someone, or not wanna listen to a good advise, dancing to long and ending up kissing a guy that I find out later has a girlfriend. Several mistakes..... Im not trying to be a holy person here ok?! I like to mess up sometimes and learn, just making that clear, but when the mistakes start to mark your life its not good.

I have feld God tapping me on my shoulder and trying to get my attention, and I might have turned my face to see Him, but most of the time I would just keep walking. And not listen to His loving advice. Sometimes its doesnt feel like His love you know.

For the people that are not christian...I think since we all have a commont cence, and we know what is wrong and right.... you get it right?!

I want that peace back, I want God back in my life more than ever.

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