I hate the way I feel

give me something real

I hate the way I feel

I'm just laying in my bed

trie to get some rest

but hate the way I feel

just give me something real

cuz I miss you

SO pragnent!

I have a few girlfriends being pregnant! Its so great, that they are carieng new life with them, I always think pregnant women are one of the most beautiful wonders God created. So I just wanted to let you know that and honer my amazing friend Heidi! She is married to Mark, they are a great cople and somewhere this week they'll have their first child!

Cant wait!!!

Heidi you are beautiful!

did you ever saw a cuecomber-smile??

one hack of a surprise!!!!

Its a thursdaynight, after having dinner with a friend at the Cleft in Amsterdam I had out for a coffee and some good jazzmusic at one of my favorite cafee's in Amsterdam; Dwaze Zaken (Foolish Things). Its crouded inside, people are having dinner, and at the bar are some of my friends chillin'. Its nice and warm. The lights are dimmed, and sweet music is playing on the background. The jazzband itself hasnt start yet, they are setting up and getting ready to play some good music.

So Im righting this piece to honer one of my long-time-know friends Chris Leter.

Im not sure if he is aware of this, but he is an amazing talented guy. He plays the bass like no other, and he is a pritty good drummer too. Besides that he has a big heart for God, and for his friends. But I never expected what I got from him last night! Keep reading....

As I order a drink, I join my friends and we chat. After a while Chris goes: I have to leave but Ill be back in 7 minutes... I just looked at him and waved goodbey.

Continuing the confersation I was in.

Than when Chris comes back he has a litle packets with him, lays it down on the counter and I wander for who it is. Wrapperd in Sinterklaaspaper it just lays there for a while. Than after about 20 minutes he hands it over to me. Im surpised and thinking they are messing with me, because my other friends start laughing... and telling me its a simple chocolatletter... Honestly I love recieving gifts, and I didnt really care for what was in it...its such a cool gesture.

So as I unwrap the paper...my eyes are getting bigger and bigger and my smile almost falles of my face...:D

I have to explain you a litle bit why I was so excited.

Last sunday me and Chris went to a postoffice/bookstore to buy a gift for one of our friends, she will be leaving us for a year and we wanted to buy her a cool journal. I had seen a really nice one, so we bought it for her. I had dropped that I loved this journal cuz of its looks, but it was a litle too expencive for me. Not just a normal ordanary journal...as you might understand. Beautifull.

Anyways...

As I unwrap the paper I see that same journal in my hands. I LOVED IT!!!

So cool! This time not only the gesture was amazing, but the gift blew me away!!

I was surprised and felled so loved!

Thank you Chris, you are the bomb!!!

Hot doctors!

It's for sure now, a fact, by this time next week Ill be laying down in a research hospital in Groningen. A city in the north of Holland. As you can read in one of my other blogs I had to do a test to find out if my body was healthy enough...

And they told me I am, I am super healthy and ready to be used! :D Kind of funny!

Sunday Ill go in, and I am just going to let the adventure happen. I'm in good hands and thinking of the amount of money I'll be receiving from them makes me even more exited!

They'll be testing the medication on me from Sunday till Thursday, which means Ill be sleeping there. And with me 15 other young people, so that in itself is nice to! I bought some good new books to read, and I have to prepare a biblestudie, so its going to be like a little retreat for me. Only than surrounded by cute doctors and nice nurses! hah! Bring it on!

check out my super-job!

Three or four and sometimes 5 days a week I babysit. And so I wanted to dedicate this episode of my blog to my little friend. He is almost two years old, looks like a little model, and is just to cute!

But he has been sick for the last few days, and when a little kid like him gets sick there is nothing you can do about it. He's coughing his loungs out, and has a fever.

All I can do is make sure he drinks enough, hold him and.... sing a little lullaby...

As I'm writing this he is in a deep sleep finally, it took him several hours.

I was think when I was looking at him, sleeping, how amazing it is that this little kid puts all his trust in me. Every time when we walk down the stairs and I help him, every single time when we take a walk outside and he runs up the driveway, and every time when I say I love you, he puts both of his hands on my cheeks and gives me a big wet kiss on my lips. He is a little miracle. I love him so much, and I feel very honerd and proud that his parents trust me so much to leave their sun with me almost every day of the week. Its amazing to see how he grows and figgers out stuff, how he waves and gives me air-kisses when I leave.

And that the other day it hit me....that's almost how God looks at you and me. Proud and amazed. Loving and Caring, making sure we get the choices in live that we need to make, even we make mistakes.

God has his hand around our hand, and doesn't leave us alone. The way I love this little child, that's how God love you and me, but than 1000 times more. Isn't that amazing.

I think when you have your kids, it is a little easier to understand Gods grace and love for us. Until then I can deal with this understanding I have now, because of my job, and how I get to experience Gods love true this little fun lovely human being.

OK, so that all might sound a little "sweet", but its the truth.

Let's not forget that God created us and chose us, before we chose Him!!!!

winterdepression or gezelligheids sessions...

Its dark when you get up and go to work, its dark when you come home after a day working.... I'm not a big fan of these times.

We dutch people did figger out a way to make it a little easier to abide...

We have "gezelligheid" here, a not translatable word that stands for a atmosphere I guess. A very warm and cosy one.

So in these dark times, it is probably the best time to experience the dutch "gezelligheid". Christmas and New years are one of the best times, and "sinterklaas" of course, that old guy from Spain that brings us gifts every 5Th of December. (in the picture, mr Sinterklaas en his fellows the "zwarte pieten" (Black Peets....I know, its not as bad as it sounds...).

Anyways, as nice as it can be here in the winter besides the cold and lots of wind and rain, I like the summer better. I miss getting up because of the sunlight touching your face, and when you get out of bed you feel her warmth. I cant wait for those days when Ill get on my bike to work and not minding all the people in the train, there will be more space in the train to.... We wear enormous cotes here in Holland. At least I think so, and no one takes them of in the train, so we all sit to squashed together. In the summer though, when its warm, everyone feels better (its a fact!) and we don't wear those ridiculous big cotes, so we have more space in the train, and can move our self to different places without looking like a penguin!!!!

But than again, when I come home, and light my candles, turn on the heater, make my self some food, and sit on my enormous sofa, with my friend and my new fish (that I still have to buy...)....

I guess its not that bad at all.

I love being gezellig!!!!

So, if you ever have a winter depression give me a call, and Ill invite you over for "erwtensoup" and learn you how the real dutch gezelligheid works! :D

See the how to make SNERT (the soup) below!

Dutch Pea Soup ( the real one: snert)

INGREDIENTS

1 lb. Split Peas10 cups of water1 pork hock (part of leg)1 to 2 bay leaves2 leeks, cut in pieces2 celery hearts, cut in pieces1 potato, peeled and diced12 oz. bratwurst or smoked sausage1 cup of selery leaves1 onion, cut in piecessalt and pepper to taste
PREPARATION:
Wash and rinse the split peas and put them in a pot with the water.Add the pork hock, the bay leaves, the onion, and the salt to the pot.Cook this for about an hour and a half, while stirring from time to time.Add the cut vegetables and cook for another 30 minutes. Add the whole sausage at this point as well.Now take out the meat, remove the skin and dice the meat into small pieces and add back to the soup. Cut the sausage into slices and add back to the soup.
Note: Pork hock can be replaced by pork ribs or pork chops, or even salt porkIf you add salted meats to the soup, be careful not to add too much additional salt.This soup is often served with German style rye bread.

See glossary for recipe ingredients you're not familiar with.
Serves 8 10.

Oof....what a night....

Oke my dear friends and strangers who read my blog...

I know I got really excited telling you guys about the Kaiser Chiefs. I went to check them out last night at the HMH in Amsterdam.

So me and my friend we were all ready to go, and besides the fact that it was freezing cold we were stoked to see these guys play.

But I guess we forgot that these kind of bands bring lots of groupies with them...groupies that are not older than 18 years, and get dropped of by their parent. That doesn't have to be a bad thing right....

After an hour listening to the first band from Island, they were fun, and than SILVERSUN, which I now LOVE, the Kaiser Chiefs Finlay arrived. They took their time before they showed up which made the crowd inpatient, and a little weird.

Can someone explain me what it is with dutch people, that they yell for beer, finally get it, and than start to trow it in and over the rest of the audience.... I don't understand that.

So that was the first thing that night that didn't go to well. I feld old between all those 17 year old kids, and smelled like a beer botle after a while... But we kept standing there... and the KC started to play....Holy cow....Ive never ever seen kids going wild like that...nice...besides the fact that most of them were dancing on our ankles. And beating each other up.... I can honestly say that this was not funny anymore. And I saw some of the younger kids panicking. After kicking one very nasty man (he was at least 20) in his nuts, we decided we should grab a seat or sit on the chairs. So we did.

They played Ruby, and NANANA, and a few more, but after a while we left. To bad, they wern't that good and they were drunk, or stoned or whatever the "freedom" of Amsterdam gave them... Wish I did save my money to go see Kanye West who plays next Monday... O well.

Kaiser Chiefs...; more rehab, more learning your lyrics and less drugs I guess.

The Kaiser Chiefs

This Thursday will be a day to celebrate!

My friend Alise and I are going to Heineken Music Hall, or HMH as we dutchies like to call it and we will see the Kaiser Chiefs preform! I haven't been to a gig like this in a long,long time, so I am super exited!

You know how sometimes, when you listen to a song, you hear that voice of that special person again, or you smell that smell that reminds you of the car you were in when you were listening to it....

Well, my memories with these guys listening to their music while I was on vacation in San Diego! Before I went surfing I would listen to a few of their songs...and every time I hear "ruby, ruby,ruby" I just want to close my eyes and dive in to the ocean.

But when I open them I realise I'm in the Netherlands, without an ocean to dive into, and surfing right now would be a Little cold....

Anyways, this Thursday I will be singing along, with my eyes closed, thinking of the beautiful waves in SD, and the lovely surf dudes!

So we're gonna rock and roll like we have never done before!!

You're either in or out! :D

will be continued!

STORM

Could not help but show you this picture......the water is high! And its storming like crazy! Wind, water and big dark clouds are covering most of Holland!!!

There is extra security on our dykes, and I will be going to check out the coast whith a friend tomorrow see for my self...

This picture is taken on one of the ilands, Vlieland, where the water is reaching the houses right now. On the otherside, England people had to evacuate in the middle of the night because of the storm.... I love the weather.

The Art of the Body

In a few months I will be going to a lab for 5 days and than doctors will be testing medication on me. And pay me 600 euro's for that :)
So yesterday I had to go get my body checked up on. If I would be healthy enough for this med test.
When I arrived I had to fill in some forms, and wait a litle bit. Than two doctors informed me about the medication they will be testing on me in december. I forgot most of it, because fo the terms that they used...
Anyways.
An hour later one of the doctors came and took me to a litle room. I realized seeing all the stuff that was in there and the amount of needles I was getting ready to give blood. Now I am not a big fan of that, but I know some people that give blood and they told me it wasnt that bad. So with that in my mind I sat down. Rolled my sleef up and saw the needle coming very close to my skin. As I looked to the doctor, I feld a litle bit like I was in Grace Anatomi. I had my own Mc Dreamy! :D He was hansome! Thats all, he sayd with a smile, and I looked at my arm, I didnt even notes the sting. Woosy....
So when I was all finished at this hansome doctor I had to go and get my heart checked out on a heartscan. Ive never done that before and was a litle exited. How cool.
I had to lay down in my underwear and got all these sticker on me, after a while (they wanted me to lay still for 10 minutes...thats a litle hard with all those wires attached to my body...) I heard a beep that was my heartbeat. And so on, it sounded pritty good I thought, it was almost a good hiphopbeat....
My bloodpresior was next, and when all was done he told me this was the I had the best results of the week! I cant help it but feel a litle bit proud of that!
But than...
An other doctor came in and she asked me if I could come with her so she could listen to my heart ones more. Becuz of the serious look on her face I fallowed her without asking any questions. I got undressed again, and had to lay down again.
Breath in.......breath out........the cold metal of the statescope on my skin......than sit up and listen again.....breath in breath out... "hm, hm, hm" de doctor sayd... Oke, I though, seriously Im fine! My heart is beating ok, what is the problem?! They even told me I had the best result of the week, HELLO??!
Than she told me to get dressed again, and sit down. She place herself in the chair behind her desk and looked at me. "You have a litle rustle going on along with your perfect heartbeat..." I can hear it when you lay down and sit up, but when you stand straight I dont hear the rustle. I looked at her, and thought about what she sayd. So....whats the big deal....I thought...its prob been there for ever and I am still alive, so it cant be to bad right? But I didnt ask her anything....
She continued;"I want you to see your own doctor back home (all this took place at the institution in the north of holland) and listen what he has to say, but I dont see it as something treahtnigh since you are super healthy and it might have been there forever!" Ha, I made a smile, and was relieved.... good, I was right, my heart is beating I am breathing and Im superhealthy....she sayd it!
When I got up and got ready to go back home I thought about everything I saw that day, I saw my own heart beeting, and all the methodes they use to examen a humanbody. It was amazing, and I realised how we are not only a piece of art on the outside, but even more on the inside. God is truly an artist, amazing!! And the rustle in my heart? It was probely His voice telling me that He loved me!!!
I went home after 4 hours of beeing tested, the rustle in my heart with me... I wasnt to worried, I feld fine and fit, so I would go to my own doctor soon, and let him listen to my heart again. Who know He might reconize Gods voice in it!!!
Praise God for our human body's!!
Dont forget to take care of your own.

Randomness in the train

Its half past 6 and my alarm goes off.... For the first time in my life I slept in my sweater and long sweatpans, cuz its so freaking cold in my room. I hate cold. It makes me kranky, my landlord still didnt fix my heater, so it will be cold for a while.
Anyways...I got out of bed, took a quik shower got dressed, did the things you do before you leave for work. And catched my train. On time!
The train was pact, I was standing in between to women who obviously forgot to brush their teeth that morning, as they were talking to eachother with me in the middle I vagley smelled their last night dinner... :(
Acrosse from me was standing a man reading the newspaper, and next to him a young kid with his music to loud on his mp3player. Great.
The trainride takes about 10 minutes, when its not so busy, no it took me half an hour to get to my work. GRMBL.
It wasnt even my fault. I got up on time, I took the right train, and than becuz everybody else did as well we all got late at our jobs.
I wont even start about Amsterdam Central Station at that time.... Its crazy how awake (or not at all) people are when its only 8 am.
Good thing Im off the next few days.
Later.

Psalm 30

i think this is so beautiful.

Psalm 30

I will extol You, O LORD, for You have lifted me up,

And have not let my foes rejoice over me.

O LORD my God, I cried out to You,

And You healed me.

O LORD, You brought my soul up from the grave;

You have kept me alive, that I should not go down to the pit.

Sing praise to the LORD, you saints of His,

And give thanks at the remembrance of His holy name

For His anger is but for a moment,

His favor is for life;

Weeping may endure for a night,

But joy comes in the morning.

(in dutch it says: I fall a sleep with tears in my eyes, but in the morning I will wake up with a smile)

Now in my prosperity I said,

“I shall never be moved.”

LORD, by Your favor You have made my mountain stand strong;

You hid Your face, and I was troubled.

I cried out to You, O LORD;

And to the LORD I made supplication:

“What profit is there in my blood,

When I go down to the pit?

Will the dust praise You?

Will it declare Your truth?

Hear, O LORD, and have mercy on me;

LORD, be my helper!”

You have turned for me my mourning into dancing;

You have put off my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness,

To the end that my glory may sing praise to You and not be silent.

O LORD my God, I will give thanks to You forever.

Tornado-storm in the end of november?

While the rain is poring down and there is allready a lot of wind going on, I found out about this;

I just read on the dutch weather channel that there is 80% chance if a tornado-like storm hitting the Netherlands. With winds that have the speed of almost 145 to a 175 km/hour. I remember last year we had a mager storm, I went to the beach with a friend, and almost got hit by wood that was flying around. But Im sure that this will be much more intense...
The first few weeks of november, they say, will be normal fall weather. But as soon as the end of the month will come, we'll experience some havy storms and lots of rain!
I get excited with these kind of predictions, but I do realise that its not as much fun for everyone.
Do you remember the horses that almost drowned? Last year it was big news here. In the north of holland a farmer "forgot" to take his horses (bout 40 I think) inside when the weather got really bad. So they ended up on a litle Iland, all that was left of their ground, the rest was flooded. It took almost two weeks to find out to whom the horses belonged to. And in the end of those two weeks three girls rescued them spectaculiar with their own horser!! Holland was one in those two weeks :) We were all talking about it, and when those horses were back inside (everything was on tv, live!!) you could almost hear the people chear!

I wander what this storm will bring us!